Sunday, August 14, 2011

My love affair with God...

Sometimes I misinterpret the love of God.  I assume that God's love is like my own.  My love depends on my circumstances, my mood, or my understanding of the other person.  My love is rarely- if ever- entirely selfless.  My love has conditions.  My love puts up barriers and dares others to cross them.  My love is occasionally withheld and used as a bargaining chip.

I assume that God's love is much like mine- and the love of others that I've experienced.  I bring Him to a human level because I can understand human love.  I understand love that wounds, withholds, manipulates, and errs.  I understand love that fails in spite of good intentions...  However, I don't understand the love of God because it does none of those things.

I must admit that the past few months have been a horribly dry season in my spiritual life.  It has not been a bountiful season.  I've been praying, but feel as though I am gaining no ground.  I've been searching the word, but receiving no revelation.  I've been struggling with doubt, fears, and frustration with a God whose ways I adore, but do not understand.  And because human love fails, my first instinct is to assume God's love has failed as well.  I question His choices.  I question His sovereignty.  I question His love and provision.  The faith that I claim flies out the window as I begin to wonder if God is really even paying attention...

However, I believe that God uses these seasons to cultivate faith, commitment, and a quiet sense of trust.  I cannot always have the answers.  I cannot always know the mind and will of God.  I must learn to rest in His arms as He carries me.  I MUST learn to trust that He is working on my behalf, even when I struggle to hear His voice.  I must stop reacting to my feelings and emotions, and learn that perfect love (God's love) casts out fear- I need never worry that His heart is not inclined toward me.  I am safe as long as I am His...  What a perfectly comforting thought!



And on a completely random note:  I have been taking pictures GALORE lately.  Most recent:  Miss Faarah's one year pictures!!!  She's such a sweetie!  Have a look-see at a few of my favorites!



 
 
 
 

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