I live in a land saturated with greed. I'm surrounded by greedy people. I am a greedy person.
I'm conditioned to my environment. I have a house, a car, 3 closets full of clothes (it pains me to admit that), a tv, a blender that I never use... I'm well fed, I have air conditioning, and I love being spoiled. I will spend five dollars on a cup of gourmet coffee and occasionally... frequently... I indulge in things that I absolutely do not need for a few moments of self-gratification. My smelly, spoiled, fleabitten dog eats better, and more frequently, than a large percent of the world's population.
Lately, I've been listening to men of God speak on the importance of missions and my soul is stirred. I keep looking at the life that I've been living, and the preparations I've been making for the rest of my time here on earth. In light of eternity they seem so... lame?
In eighty years I will be dead. It's a fact. I don't mind the idea of dying, really. The idea of trading in this life for a glorious eternity is actually comforting and joyful. But I fear standing before a beautiful, perfect, Holy God who gave so much for me, and admitting that I really gave nothing of myself for Him in return.
I dedicate my time to my local church body. I love them. We grow together. We shoulder each others burdens. But is that really sacrificing my life? What am I really giving up?
On and off for the past year I've been completely enamored with the idea of missions. I love the idea of quitting my job, renting out my house, shoving all of my "stuff" in storage, and traipsing halfway around the globe to go beyond my world of "self" and to serve others because I love them more than I love my own life- like Jesus did. I'm not sure that dropping my life and becoming a missionary is God's plan for me. I'm not sure that it's not. But either way the question remains: what in this world am I loving more than I love God?
At present, I'm working at a bank. I'm studying business. I enjoy both my work and my studies. Yet I know in my heart that these areas are not where God is calling me. They stir no true passion inside of my soul. My desire has never been to climb a corporate ladder. God has not called me to that. Therefore, at present, I am really struggling with the idea of allowing myself to continue my education, submerging myself over ten thousand dollars in debt to finish a degree that I have no desire to use. I honestly could care less if I even earn a degree... And I'm pretty sure that God won't deny me entrance into heaven if I don't have a diploma in hand at the pearly gates.
A few things that he might, however, deny me entrance for???
- Selfishness
- Greed.
- Laziness.
American mentality: Study hard. Get a degree. Get a good job. Earn a comfortable living. Go to a comfortable church and live a comfortable life.
Don't get me wrong. I respect and love many people who have degrees, good jobs, and comfortable lives. However, my desire is much different- and I feel God bending my heart more daily in this way: I want to love people until it hurts. I want to pour myself out until I have nothing left to give. I want to be so much in love with my Savior that this world and it's trophies fade away. I want nothing more than to love people extravagantly, and to love them simply because I love my Savior and I believe it will please Him for me to give love in the same manner that He has lavished it upon me.
That's it. Those are my thoughts for the day.
"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose"
-Jim Elliot
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